fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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