Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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