Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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