it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
