he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
