All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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