so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Farmville is her only friend.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
