cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
