haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My breasts were aching with rage.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I touched a dick in church today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
