Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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