TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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