need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
