yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I need a burrito and a hug.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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