ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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