I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
