before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
