apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
