I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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