Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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