I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
