There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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