pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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