how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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