That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
