Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
