BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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