Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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