i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
