is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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