Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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