I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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