Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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