very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
