I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
