i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
