he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
