the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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