Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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