I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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