Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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