I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
