dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
As shirtless as possible
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
