Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
