Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
