the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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