Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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