currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
