so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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