when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
