i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
