So drunk its hurt
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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