her vagine was all disorganized.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
