Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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