i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
