tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
