I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
