she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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