I bet he comes in French.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
