Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
