Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
