I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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