mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
