Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize