i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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