In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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