Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
