I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
