I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
