Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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