Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
