my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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