we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
