so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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