it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
