if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
