do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
