I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
