bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize