I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
