Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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